When a place or a feeling calls you, you answer.
2019 has thrown me in for a surprise on numerous occasions. Career change. The beginning of my Saturn Return (if you’re aware of what this is, you know the feeling). Falling in love with California after years of saying only negative things. Wanting a relationship 🥴 lol (we’ll save this for later).
In the midst of growing pains and this massive spiritual shift, I also began to feel burnt out. I knew I needed a break. The $40 Chinatown massages, reading fiction novels, listening to Khruangbin, falling asleep to the Apple Music Ocean Sounds playlist—rarely did any of these feel like a temporary escape. My soul wanted something more. The calm. Tranquility. Silence. Solitude. A new environment. Sun. Salt water. Hot sand.
I opened up a map and saw a couple of places that potentially provided those things. The islands of Turks and Caicos seemed like the answer. It was an easy sell searching on Pinterest. Crystal blue water with nice sand. Palm trees. Warm, breezy weather. The Caribbean, hello. But not only did I want to go here; I wanted to go alone.
Yes. Alone. Instead of turning up with my girls when the clock struck 12 on my 29th birthday, I wanted to be alone. But why, Maria? During this growth period, I felt the urge to get back in tune with myself. I often find myself being too available and I take responsibility for that, as I’m working on setting clearer boundaries. As I’ve gotten to know myself overtime, I’ve discovered that I find clarity and inner peace in silence and solitude—two things that are challenging to find and sustain living in New York City.
Sounds emo, but the experience totally wasn’t. It was everything and then some. To wake up on your own time, to go to the beach whenever you wanted, to watch/read/sleep whenever you wanted. Did I mention doing things your own time? To not have to answer to anyone. Not having to worry about the MTA. WHAT A FEELING.
From the moment I bought my flight until the day I checked in at my hotel, it was anxious city. There were so many times I tried talking myself out of doing this. I can’t travel alone. What if something happens to me? What if I become stranded? I was thinking the worst. Telling my mom didn’t help either lol. I knew it was bold of me as a woman of color to go somewhere I haven’t been before, alone at that. But I decided to follow my intuition through and through. (Turks and Caicos ranked pretty high on the list of places that are pretty safe for solo travelers btw).
After seeing angel numbers moments before my flight and reciting some affirmations, I knew I was going to be okay.
It was 4 days of utter bliss. No distractions. No noise. Just the sound of ocean waves crashing and the breeze brushing through my hair. I didn’t want to stress myself out with a robust itinerary because my intentions were to relax and relax only. I was perfectly fine spending most of my time being at the beach or on the studio’s balcony writing my heart out. I wanted to do this on my own terms. On my own dime. Without any judgments or having to worry about other people.
It was perfect and I would do it all over again. I walked to the local grocery to pick up some snacks and water, enough to hold me over. A couple of restaurants and the beach were walking distance, so I didn’t have to worry about renting a car to get around. Being that I was alone, I was extra cautious of my surroundings and my movements. Granted, I didn’t let my paranoia deter me from having a good time. I think once I saw how nice the locals were, my worries went away.
I returned feeling rejuvenated. Centered. Empowered. A new chapter has begun and I’m entering it as a new person. This ultimate ‘me time’ allowed me to really enjoy my own company in ways I haven’t before. There’s still so much that I am processing from this trip; I stepped outside of my comfort zone—something that us Taurus-born folks aren’t fans of doing. Only time will show me what’s next.
Can’t nobody tell me anything, tbh. I hope this post encourages you to embark on a solo trip of your own if you haven’t already. Please be safe and do your research.